Belly Up Read online

  Oh, I had, and as much as I enjoyed that cafeteria pizza served plank-style with plasticky cheese and watery tomato paste, I really wanted that raspberry baklava stuff in my face, pronto.

  “I am down like a clown,” I said.

  Leaf grinned at me over his food, his foot nudging mine under the table.

  “Okay, clown. I’ll be happy to see you get down.”

  Another wink and a slight curl of those plump lips as he ate his lunch.

  ...wait.

  Was that dirty?

  * * *

  Six o’clock that night, I stood in Mormor’s driveway next to Devi’s black Ford Fiesta, a brown paper grocery bag full of two-liter bottles of soda and SunnyD because I was done with caffeine for the day.

  “How do I look?” Devi asked with a delicate twirl. She wore a sundress with skinny straps and a sunflower print. Her toes were freshly painted. Her hair was covered by a soft gold cloth kerchief. There was makeup and hoop earrings and a pair of white Mary Jane shoes.

  “Like a goddess. How do I look?” I asked.

  “Like you’re wearing your pajamas and flip-flops.”

  “Perfect!”

  She wasn’t wrong. I really was in a pair of checkered pajama pants, a plain black T-shirt with a pocket, and flip-flops. At least I was wearing a bra, which was something of a feat when your nipples hurt for a minimum of six out of every twenty-four hours. But hey, that was a vast improvement over aching twenty-three of twenty-four hours every day, so we were making progress.

  Second trimester, here I come!

  We piled into the car. I’d just slammed the door closed when my mom, fresh off her workday, pulled into the driveway. Fridays were her casual day, so she was in jeans and a T-shirt...that was turned inside out, the tags sticking out in the back, the seams out and proud for the world to behold.

  I rolled the window down.

  “Menu shirt?” I asked, motioning at her getup.

  Devi was confused. “Wait, what?”

  “Menu shirt,” Mom repeated, climbing from the car. “It’s when you hit your shirt more than your mouth when you’re eating and get stains, but no, not this time. I forgot about the No Logo’d T-shirts rule. Grabbed your Bucks T-shirt. Now it’s an inside-out shame T-shirt.”

  “Well, that’s fair. I mean, that’s how most Starbucks drinkers should feel. Shame,” Devi said.

  My mom leaned on my car door to eyeball Devi. “You’re such a New Englander.”

  “It’s true. I’ll probably die with a Dunkin’ Donuts cup glued to my palm.” Devi smirked.

  “Okay, smart-asses, where are you off to?” Mom flicked at a lock of my hair that refused to stay inside of my plastic clip.

  “Sara met a boy,” Devi said, only she said it that way—the rotten-school-kid way that totally warranted the jab I levied at her side.

  “Oh, man. Don’t we remember the last time you met a boy?” Mom asked.

  “Good news, everyone! I can’t get pregnant again yet, so no need to worry!” I snorted at them. “His name is Leaf and he’s just being sweet. I’m sure he’ll back right off when he learns about the fetus.”

  “His loss. You’re a great girl. Whoever you’re brewing in your belly’s going to be great, too.” Mom swooped in to press a kiss to my temple.

  Immediately, I smelled the cigarettes.

  Just like Mom. To keep a smiling face for me and then to freak out in the privacy of her own car with a pack of Marlboros.

  “Stop smoking,” I said. “You’ll puke out your lungs if you don’t.”

  “Going inside now. So I can get nagged by my other mother.” Mom pulled away from the window and grabbed her day bag, slinging it over her shoulder.

  “You smell like a chimney. A chimney’s butt,” I called after her.

  “No, you smell like a chimney’s butt.”

  “Love you, Mom.”

  “You, too, kiddo. Home by midnight or text me with a good reason why you’re not here.”

  Devi started the car and we both watched Mom disappear into the house.

  “The two of you are like two peas in a pod,” Devi said.

  “Right down to the teen pregnancies! Go Team Larssen!” I pulled out my phone to look at the directions. I’d been standing by my locker after school when Erin stopped by to give me cell phone numbers and an address. Morgan lived about fifteen minutes from my house, off a main road near the local movie theater, so it wasn’t going to be a big deal finding it.

  Devi was as cool as a cucumber the whole way there, but she was always laid-back. I was more worried about old friends and new friends intermingling. I also wasn’t too proud to admit that the notion of Leaf trying to take it to the next level with me, beyond the flirts and casual touches, was going to require one hell of an uncomfortable conversation that I didn’t want to have.

  It was possible he wouldn’t care, but I did. I cared. I cared what he thought of me, and what all of these other kids thought of me because they were cool and funny. What if their tolerance ended at “being seen with the pregnant girl”?

  Devi clued in that I was fretting, because her hand left the shift and slid over to touch mine.

  “It’ll be okay,” she said. “Promise.”

  “How do you know?”

  She shrugged. “I just do. You’re good people. Water finds its own level. Everyone will be cool because you’re cool.”

  There were a thousand ways to poke holes in that logic, but instead I let it take the edge off, slumping into my seat and nodding.

  “Thanks, wifey.”

  “You bet.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Pastry is bomb.”

  Morgan swiped another piece of Leaf’s pastry from the tray on the coffee table, cramming it into her mouth and falling back onto the couch to kick her legs up in the air. Her head flopped back into Erin’s lap, so Erin leaned down to kiss her forehead.

  Morgan’s outburst was understandable in the face of such culinary greatness. The pastries were buttery and sweet and nutty and tickled both me and the small human inside of me who vacillated wildly between “expel all food” and “I HUNGER.” Fortunately, it was more the latter than the former lately, and I was curled up with a small plate of sweets and enjoying them greatly.

  Devi sat on my left.

  Leaf on my right.

  “These are super good,” Devi said to Leaf.

  “Thank you! My grandmother’s recipe.”

  Devi dashed crumbs off her bottom lip. “I’d like to shake her hand.”

  “She’s passed away, but I’ll shake your hand instead, if you’d like.” Leaf grinned and leaned past me to offer a bear paw to Devi. She accepted it, his giant fingers enfolding hers. For a moment, I worried this was that thing that sometimes happened where, upon seeing my gorgeous best friend, I became second-choice slop, but no. Leaf immediately pulled away to fuss at me about taking another square.

  “I think I’m actually full,” I said, which probably didn’t mean much to him, but it sure surprised me. The bottomless pit was not so bottomless after all.

  “Good, good. I’m glad. But there’s more. Pizza and snacks, too, if you change your mind.”

  Leaf got up from the couch to wash his hands in the kitchen. He’d done it quite a few times since we’d sat down to eat. I also noticed that he didn’t share pizza with us, but stuck to his own personal-sized pizza. I hadn’t asked why, but he had offered something of an explanation while we were eating.

  “Rom are particular, yes? I mentioned that,” he said. “It’s complicated but I mean no offense. It’s a cultural thing.”

  “Like eating kosher, right?” Devi said. “Food rules. I’m Jewish. My grandmother is particular, too. So are a lot of Jews.”

  Leaf nodded. “Yes! Something like that. The rules are different, but yes.”
>
  And then his focus was back on me.

  “What kind of movies do you like?” He picked up a stack of Blu-rays from the dining room table and thumbed through. “We’ve got scary, action, funny, funny action—”

  I plucked Guardians of the Galaxy from the pile and handed it to him. “This one.”

  “You’ve never seen it?” His dark brows lifted so high, they nearly kissed his widow’s peak.

  “Oh, she has. About six hundred times,” Devi said. “It’s her favorite.”

  “She has good taste! It’s one of mine, too.” Leaf left the couch to set up the Blu-ray player, pausing to glance back at Morgan and Erin, who were busy kissing and smiling and whispering to one another. Morgan was still sprawled across Erin’s lap, so the kisses were upside down and awkward looking, but sweet all the same.

  “Excuse me, lesbians, but are you alright with Guardians?” Leaf asked.

  “Pardon me, straight, but sure, that sounds good to me.” Morgan rolled her eyes up Erin’s way. “You cool with that, baby?”

  Erin nodded. “Team Drax for life. I think the second movie is around here, too?”

  “Uh-huh.” Morgan snuggled farther into Erin’s middle, sighing contentedly. Erin stroked her hands through Morgan’s carrot-orange hair. She’d forsaken her usual glammed pinup thing for yoga pants and an oversize T-shirt. I appreciated her casualness; it meant I wasn’t alone on Scrub Island.

  I nibbled on the last of my pastry and went to the kitchen to throw away my garbage. By the time I got back, Devi had moved over to the sectional with Morgan and Erin, abandoning me to The Boy, who’d returned to his seat already. I stared at her across the room. She stared back. Then she grinned as she snagged herself another slice of pizza.

  Oh, Devi. I know where you sleep.

  The heat rose in my face as I sunk back into the couch. Not wanting anyone to see just how red I could get, I pretended to be interested in the Patriots football purgatory surrounding me. Blue-and-white banners, posters and signed photographs hung from the walls. Along the ceiling, there were decorative lights like you might see at Christmas time, only they were tiny football helmets with Patriots logos on the sides. There was a glass case with golden footballs and commemorative-issue Super Bowl rings. Jerseys flanked the almost-as-big-as-the-wall TV, framed and signed, one of which belonged to Saint Brady himself.

  Erin’s claim that it was a movie theater wasn’t far off, if movie theaters were hosed down with puke-tastic sports memorabilia.

  The credits started on the movie. Leaf leaned back over the opposite side of the couch. I was comfortable. I got more comfortable when I stretched out and he made room for me on the middle cushion. He glanced my way.

  “You can put your feet on my lap if you want to lie down,” he said. “I won’t touch them. I know feet are a thing.”

  “Five-headed monsters,” I agreed, because really, feet were ugly, but I took him up on his offer and there I was, totally horizontal on the couch, watching a great movie, with a nice-looking Rom volunteering to be my footrest.

  I never moved during the movie, and he didn’t seem bothered by it. His hand rested on my knee and never so much as twitched. There was no massaging or tickling or anything other than he had to put his hand somewhere, my legs were in the way, that’s where it landed. What I liked? He asked me, quietly, “Is this alright?” before he did it. He didn’t just assume and it scored him major brownie points.

  I could have really liked him.

  ...if I was looking for that sort of thing. Which I wasn’t. I was pregnant and that was trouble enough on its own, never mind complicating anything with a boy.

  Those were the thoughts that plagued me between movie sprints—things along the lines of “what I deserved.” I didn’t deserve Leaf’s attention because I had to be serious about my baby. I had to be an adult now. I had to realize that flirting was frivolous! Except...

  I’m pregnant, not dead. I can still appreciate a good dude, right? Like, it’s not selfish or stupid of me to do that?

  I must have had a look on my face, because Leaf tapped the inside of my ankle to pull my attention. I stopped dead-staring at the TV and glanced his way. His smile was soft, but earnest; crinkly lines formed on the sides of his dark eyes.

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah. I think so? I... Maybe I need some air.”

  He lifted his hand so I could escape the couch. I trotted outside, pausing at Morgan’s kitchen table to shoulder into my hoodie. The day had been warm with the last vestiges of summer, but the nights were taking on a chill that already sliced through clothes, boding poorly for winter. When I stepped outside, my breath turned into puffy clouds before my face.

  While it was never pleasant to feel your snot freezing inside of your nostrils, it helped to clear my head. I paced back and forth in Morgan’s driveway. Choices. I had choices. I could appreciate Leaf or I could take my baby seriously. Or...weren’t both possible? I probably shouldn’t jump into a relationship. That was irresponsible, particularly knowing Leaf would run when he found out about el bebé, but I could see him for the good guy he was. I could think about possible futures with him or really any other guy. A teen pregnancy didn’t relegate me to a spinster life forever.

  Mom dated. Sure, not till I was, like, five or six, but she dated.

  It’s just a long dry spell. I can handle that.

  The clatter of Morgan’s screen door made me jump. I turned around, expecting to see Devi there. But no, it was the tall dark boy with the very white teeth who’d been parading through my thoughts. He’d donned his jacket, his hands sunk into his jeans pockets.

  “Devi said if you wanted her I could go get her,” he said. “I just got up first.”

  “Nah. No. I’m okay.” I managed a smile and looked down at my feet. Flip-flops. Oh, you’d seemed like such a good idea earlier, but now, with the cold...

  “Anything I can do to help?” He was coming closer, nearing me. Fifteen feet separating us became ten, then five, then two. He didn’t cross over into my personal space, instead lingering just outside of it.

  “I’ve got something I should tell you.” I eyed him.

  He eyed back.

  “Did I do someth—”

  “I’m pregnant.”

  It was one of those moments in life when everything around you was almost too still. My voice, which had been whisper soft, somehow became a bellow in all that quiet.

  “Oh.” He blinked at me. “You have a boyfriend?”

  “No, no. I did. I mean, it’s not his.” I frowned, never quite capable of looking Leaf in the eye. I wanted to explain but it was so hard to get it out. The words were stuck, like I’d have to hock a loogie just to expel them. “It messed me up, the breakup. Aaron broke my heart, and when he went to a party with his new girlfriend, I got stupid. Drank, met a guy, hooked up. Boom, baby. I don’t even know where he is now. The baby daddy, I mean. Aaron is probably rotting in hell. Or, at least, I hope he is.”

  Leaf reached out a hand and gently placed it on my shoulder. “My sister had a baby at eighteen. That’s a little older, but she’s happy. My niece is great. Are your parents good?”

  “My mom. I don’t know my dad, but she’s good. And my grandmother, she’s good, too. I’ll be okay.” The last I added as an afterthought, mostly because I didn’t want him thinking this was a pity ploy. No, this was worse in a way, because I was warning this nice guy who was interested in me away from liking me because I just so happened to be...you know.

  Preggers.

  “If you need anything, I’ll help,” Leaf said. “We all will. I don’t think it’ll change much.”

  “Thanks. I think I’ll be okay. I’m guessing the kids at school will be weird about it.” I shivered as another breeze shredded through my hoodie and made my bare toes curl.

  Stupid flip-flops.

  Leaf tske
d, reaching for my elbow and gently pulling me back toward Morgan’s house, his hand curled around my arm as he guided me up the porch steps. “You’re cold. That’s not good for you or the baby.”

  He smiled at me.

  It was different. I couldn’t tell you exactly how it was different—it wasn’t in the way his lips tilted or in the slash of white against brown skin—but it was different. It was warm, but a different warm, like by announcing I was full of kid, I’d gone from potential girlfriend material to someone he needed to coddle. I’d literally lost all of my sex appeal with one declaration.

  It’s not good for you or the baby, he said.

  He didn’t mean it to be a slap in the face, but...

  Well? My face stung.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “Okay, queen of all that is dead cow and ketchup, I bequeath unto you a double bacon cheeseburger and a chocolate shake,” Devi said, plopping a paper bag in front of me. I was sprawled out in my room, in the same clothes I’d worn to Morgan’s house, my hair in a clip, a Jupiter-sized zit developing in the middle of my forehead.

  I stared at the bag of fast food.

  Devi nudged it my way.

  “Guaranteed to cheer you up,” she said.

  On one hand, a depressed hunger strike was totally warranted.

  On the other hand...

  I am the cheeseburger queen.

  I tore open the paper and did terrible, awful, unspeakable things to those double-beef patties.

  I was in full Eeyore-mode, and had been since leaving Morgan’s the night before. Leaf was ever-courteous, so nice! Very generous and caring all the way through both Guardians of the Galaxy movies. And very clearly not into me anymore. I thought at first I was just imagining it—being hypersensitive because of the ebb and flow of hormones—but no, Devi noticed it, too. When we climbed into the car, she asked about my long face.

  “I told Leaf about the baby. He’s done, I guess.”

  I almost cried saying it, which was dumb, considering I’d just met the guy, but he’d become representative of something bigger along the way. He was another missed opportunity thanks to Sara’s Big Bouncing Truck Adventure—in the same category as my going to an Ivy League school post-baby. Possible, but not very likely because things were going to change.